I Have Never 1
by 1wildrose1
Summary: Perception – a simple concept it would seem. But who would have perceived their relationship to reach such a level after hearing one simple fact? Companion to I Have Never 2


**I've wanted to write this for _ages_ – you have no idea. This is going to be a companion piece to I Have Never...II, which is an alternate version of this story where Vaan is actually very experienced instead of being innocent as he is in this version. I just wanted a break from all my other serious stories so...enjoy!**

**1wildrose1 .. x**

_**Rating:**_ NC-17  
><em><strong>Pairing (s):<strong>_ Balthier/Vaan  
><em><strong>Spoilers:<strong>_ ...the fact that the party reach the Salikawood?  
><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>_ I don't own Final Fantasy XII or any of the characters in it, nor do I make profit from these works.  
><em><strong>Summary:<strong>_ Perception – a simple concept it would seem. But who world have perceived their relationship to reach such a level after hearing one simple fact?

_**Warnings:**_** Shounen-ai **(Male/male relationships), **Yaoi** (Male/male sexual relationships),** basically PWP**.

**WARNING! Lemon!**

_**I Have Never...I**_

The heat of the fire roasted the side of Vaan's face due to the fact that he was sitting far too close, but that was certainly not the reason why he shifted uncomfortably every few minutes. He could feel Penello's eyes glance sideways at him at these times, smirking all the while – a deliberate smirk, because she knew exactly what was making him squirm.

The Salikawood, for once, did not loom over them ominously that night – instead, the gentle silver moonlight filtered thinly through the canopy, allowing the fire to cast the dominant light, making the space gleam a comfortable orange glow. The six of them, weary from several days worth of travel and battles, sat around the fire, revelling in their first real night of rest since they left Rabanastre after the events on The Shiva, a good eight weeks before.

That was when Balthier come up with the idea that they should play a game – one that he had learned from a bangaa which he never learned the name of as he travelled around Ivalice. He told them how they had played it to pass the time as they waited for night to fall so that they could make their escape from the cave they had been hiding in. It was at this point that Vaan began to doubt the innocence of this game – what kind of game would a shady bangaa and a Sky Pirate play to pass the time after what he could only assume was a heist? That, and the fact that this game involved alcohol.

"Are you sure we should include the Madhu?" Basch had inquired, gesturing at both Vaan and Penello as he spoke. Even Ashe scoffed at his seriousness and rolled her eyes, even going as far as telling him to lighten up – well, as close to saying such a common phrase as the absentee princess could bring herself to get. Penello had grinned at her gratefully, eager to drink with the adults and have fun – Vaan, on the other hand, smiled meekly, almost wishing that they had paid heed to Basch. He wasn't a killjoy, or anything – far from it – but he didn't particularly like where this seemed to be going.

So, that's how he found himself drawing patterns in the dirt in front of him as he sat cross-legged in the circle, flushing redder and redder as the others took their turns – he _knew_ where this was going. Fran passed the bottle of cheap Madhu to Penello, indicating that it was now her go – the blond pursed her lips and rolled her eyes upwards in thought. "I have never..." Her fingers drummed along the bottle. "Oh! I have never flown an airship."

The group groaned at her tame confession and Balthier took the bottle with a sigh, taking a swig. Fran, too, took a drink and, surprisingly, so did Basch. He merely shrugged at their questioning looks. "Knowing how to fly came in handy."

The bottle was handed to Ashe, who was next to Penello. Balthier smirked across the fire at her. "Now, what has the princess never done?"

Ashe puffed up indignantly at his taunting tone, recognising the challenge in his words. "I?" She held out the bottle towards him before she even spoke, a sneer marring her features. "I have never ignored the call of duty." Balthier scowled at her – for reasons that escaped Vaan, as well as most of the others – and clenched his jaw. Ashe narrowed her eyes spitefully and shook the bottle at him. "Drink up, pirate."

The other snatched the bottle and took a reluctant gulp before pushing it into Basch's hands. "What about you, captain? What have you never done?"

Basch shook his head and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "It could only be the two of you to ruin a game that you both were so keen to play."

Balthier's lips curled into a suspicious smile. "You're absolutely right, I do apologise." He tilted his head towards Ashe. "Continue, please."

It wasn't that Basch did not realise that Balthier was up to something, just that – after the two bottles of strong Madhu he had drunk before the game even started, combined with a hearty meal and the pleasant warmth of the fire – he was too relaxed to care. "Very well. I have never..." He gazed around the surrounding wood for inspiration. "...been intimate with a friend."

Vaan blinked in confusion and glanced around at the others – they all seemed to be giggling and shaking their heads. He grinned at Penello when she turned to him and laughed with her – clearly he was supposed to know what Basch meant. Balthier coughed a little through his chuckles. "Well, I never would have foreseen that – just note this, my friends: it was not I who debauched the conversation." _Debauched?_ Vaan frowned, trying to recall what that word meant.

Fran's nose twitched a little in amusement. "Now, that is an occurrence worthy of note." The viera reached across the circle, ignoring the lick of flames, and took the Madhu, drinking a mouthful before handing it to Balthier without hesitation. When he, too, had a drink, the circle erupted in wolf-whistles and giggles. '_Oh'_, thought Vaan, eyes wide,_ 'that's what he meant'_. He nearly smacked himself with how naïve he was – _'no,_ _not naïve; Basch had just been vague'_.

The pirate's eyes twinkled mischievously as he shrugged and rolled the half-empty bottle between his hands. "We're often travelling on our own for extended periods – seemed like a good idea at the time."

Fran's face remained neutral at his comment, but her ears stiffened slightly. "Is it not your turn?"

The brunette gave a debonair grin and studied the bottle in his hands. "It may not have been a good idea to drink during dinner – it seems that the alcohol is affecting us quicker than I anticipated. It usually takes a few more rounds before the conversation becomes _debauched_." He drew out the word and threw a smug look at Basch. "Either way..." He cast his eyes around the circle deviously. "I have never slept with the same person more than once."

Ashe rolled her eyes as the bottle was passed around the circle. "Why does that not surprise me?"

Balthier shrugged and watched as Basch, Ashe, Penello and Fran took turns to drink from the bottle. Vaan took it when it was offered to him, but held it in front of him with a faint blush making an appearance across his cheeks. Everyone but Penello rose their eyebrows in surprise. "Well, thief – I am shocked. I would never have pegged you as the type."

Vaan bit his lip and looked away – _'see, I was right about where it was going'_. "Um..."

He was interrupted by an unsuppressed snort from Penello. "I think that you're going to be mighty disappointed, Balthier." She giggled and nodded her head at Vaan. "Why don't you take your turn, Vaan?"

He sighed and focused his glare on the neck of the brown glass bottle in his hands. He loved her, but Penello had always poked fun at this fact about him – probably because he loved her like a sister and nothing more. It used to upset him, but he had soon gotten over it and learned to keep that part of himself out of their conversations. He frowned and spoke to the bottle. "I have never even kissed anyone."

Silence. He looked up to find everyone – besides Penello – staring at him in astonishment. It was Ashe who spoke first. "Surely not." Vaan crinkled his nose in embarrassment, holding out the bottle for whoever wanted it – someone took it, but it was clear that the game was momentarily forgotten. "You've _never_ kissed anyone?"

He drew his knees up to his chest and shook his head. "Apart from my mother, but I don't think that counts."

The princess' features twisted in confusion. "Really?" Vaan groaned –_ 'just drop it, please'_. "I find that hard to believe."

He looked around for help but all he found was equally inquisitive expressions and a smug grin – _'fuck you, Penello'_. "I...well...I've never really had the opportunity." Another snort from the blond girl beside Fran.

Ashe shook her head and frowned. "I don't believe that – you are a handsome boy. I am sure that any girl you wished to have would take you."

_'Why is she so persistent?'_ "Um..." He shot a sideways glance at Penello and was met with raised palms and an unsympathetic face – she was staying out of it. He sighed and resumed drawing patterns into the dirt between his feet. "That's the point...if I wanted a girl, I could probably get one..." He could practically feel the side of his face burning with the grim look he was sure he was receiving from the girl that he saw as his sister. "It's just...well...I...I don't want a girl."

Fran's lips twitched a little in acknowledgement, but the rest seemed perplexed. Basch frowned and cocked his head. "You do not want anyone? If you are not ready for someone yet, then so be it – but why are you so reluctant to talk about it?"

Penello couldn't help but release a laugh at Vaan's dilemma and quickly stood, grabbing her bow and arrows, as well as a small supply of healing supplies. "It's time that I leave to stand watch – have fun, Vaan."

He glared at her as she went, cursing every step she took, before turning back to the group slowly. "It's not that I don't want anyone – I didn't say that." He buried his face in his knees, clenching his eyes shut from the humiliation. "I don't want a _girl_."

"What do you mean?" Ashe's voice still sounded genuinely in the dark about what he was trying to say – he didn't really blame her; it was not a common thing in Dalmasca. Not that it was frowned upon, per cé – just not the norm.

Vaan sighed for the umpteenth time within just a few minutes as he rolled his head up to rest his chin atop his kneecaps, curling his arms around himself to make his body as small as possible. He was not one to be rash with his words, but he doubted that Ashe would really get it unless he was. "I mean that I would rather see a man naked than a woman."

Her eyes rounded dramatically and her lips formed a silent 'oh'. Both Basch and Balthier seemed severely shocked as well, which he had not been expecting. They both seemed pretty tolerant about most things, so he never considered that they, as men, might feel uncomfortable knowing that he would be more attracted to them than the girls –_ 'plus, I've seen them both naked numerous times'_. But it wasn't like he'd ever looked at them like that – they were his friends. Vaan shrugged before mumbling into his knees again. "You don't have to worry – it doesn't mean that I look at the two of you like that."

Balthier gained a strange look when he said that, but Vaan was soon distracted when Basch spoke. "Did Reks know?"

Vaan furrowed his eyebrows – why would he bring up his brother? "I was only fifteen when he died – I didn't know myself."

Basch nodded slowly and it seemed that that was the only concern he had over the issue. Balthier looked like he wanted to ask something but was cut off by Ashe. "So...how did you find out?"

_'This is going to be a long night.'_

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Penello scowled at the black forest below, leering down at the docile monsters from her perch in one of the abandoned moogle huts. She had been hoping to take out her annoyance on some unsuspecting beast, yet all that was out tonight were wyrdhares and brown chocobos and she just couldn't bring herself to disturb the peace over her petty anger. The wood seemed to want amicability and Penello was not one to challenge her wishes.

She yanked out the ties in her hair, raking her fingers through the tangled locks, picking out twigs and leaves. The camp was still visible from this spot, but she was too far to hear what they were all talking about or see anyone in detail – all she could really make out was a mop of pale blond hair, making her frown deepen.

She knew she had no real right to be mad – and in all honesty she wasn't – but she felt hurt every time that topic came up with Vaan. It just reminded her of that time just over a year ago when Vaan had made her feel like a complete fool – _'no, you made yourself feel like a fool'_.

It had been exactly a year since the day Reks died and Vaan was avoiding all human contact, shutting himself away in the room he had once shared with his brother, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Penello had gotten out of work early – begging Kytes to do her a huge favour by covering her shift – and made her way back to the house that she and Vaan shared with several other street kids.

He didn't even acknowledge her presence when she entered the room, just carried on staring at a small carving in the wall opposite him – it had obviously been gouged at with some kind of crude knife and didn't mean anything in particular. Penello had offered him an apple, commenting that he should eat something. He just rolled a shoulder and narrowed his eyes at the carving on the wall as though he was trying to decipher another meaning to it. Penello put the fruit back into the basket and followed his gaze with a small frown. "Reks did that, didn't he?"

Vaan nodded, tilting his head to the side. "He said that all the secrets of life can be seen in that scraping."

Secrets of life? "Vaan...it's just a pattern on a wall."

Vaan shrugged and smiled lightly, never shifting his gaze from the wall. "Maybe. It's what I always thought it was. But..."

Penello leaned forward unconsciously, trying to hear his faint voice. "But?"

Those large grey eyes finally broke away from what had been previously captivating them and focused on her, a sad smile on tan lips. "I think I know what he meant." He sat up slowly from the dresser he had been leaning against and reached towards the wall, being able to scrape the carving with his outstretched fingers due to how narrow the room was. "Perhaps he had only been joking and I'm just being gullible...we were children, after all. Either way, I like the sentiment." He leaned back to how he had originally been sitting. "Life is about perception – it unravels according to how you choose to act or understand. The 'secrets' that this is supposed to reveal are different to every person that tries to see them. I like that." His small smile brightened a little more. "Our fate is not fixed – we can choose our own destiny."

Penello had been shocked that Vaan, of all people, would come out with something so well thought out, but smiled gently anyway and leaned into his side. He automatically put an arm round her shoulders and drew her in a little closer, unconsciously allowing her to breathe in his scent and feel the warmth of his bare chest. At the time, Penello had thought that he had been feeling the same sparks of excitement that were coursing through her veins and bubbling in her stomach. It didn't cross her mind that this was neither the time nor the place – here, on the anniversary of his brother's death, in the room that the two had shared as children. She was just so sure that he wanted it too.

She didn't realise how much he tensed when her lips pressed against his neck – nor did she hear the panic in his quickened breath as her fingers began to slide up his thigh, mistaking it for arousal. She licked and nibbled at his skin, making a slow path towards his jaw as her fingers danced closer and closer to one of the most intimate parts of his body. "Penello..." She smiled against his skin, thinking it was a groan. Her lips came close to his as her hand pressed against...she pulled back abruptly to see what was really happening – Vaan's eyes were wide and terrified, thick tears rolled down his face and the part of his body that had previously had her hand pressed up against it was certainly _not_ enjoying the attention. He turned his head away and whispered what he had been trying to say during the encounter. "...I'm not interested in women."

Pulling herself out of bitter memories, Penello drug the tip of an arrow across the wood of the floor, damaging the previously smooth surface with angry gouges. She couldn't understand what Vaan had been implying at the time, taking it as a harsh rejection. The way she reacted after – screaming at him to grow up and stop making excuses, to tell her straight that he wasn't interested rather than tell her such a ridiculous thing in its place – embarrassed her endlessly. She knew now that he hadn't been lying, but she was too proud to apologise. It still stung when she was reminded of the rejection, but she no longer blamed Vaan for those feelings – that didn't mean that she was okay with it either. It was childish to leave Vaan to fend for himself as the others questioned him in the camp, but she was too put out to care.

She caught a glimpse of the white layer wood that had been hidden beneath the brown bark before her arrow had mutilated it – she had unconsciously created two adjoining shapes that connected at the edges: a long rectangular strip with a semicircle rising from it and a few choppy scrapes surrounded it. All of a sudden, her anger dissolved as her fingers traced the seemingly meaningless image, thinking back to that day that had filled her with anger – to what Vaan had said about fate and choice. A smile snuck its way across her lips – it looked like a setting sun with fiery rays dancing around it as it disappeared behind the horizon. _'No...maybe it's a rising sun – the beginning of the day'_. The beginning...maybe. Perhaps it was time she got over her silly grudge and started anew.

Perception, eh?

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Balthier concluded that he was not attracted to men. After Vaan's announcement of his sexual preference, Balthier could not help but wonder what would encourage a man desire one of his own sex and, so far, he did not understand the tendency. He had considered Basch, observing his taut muscles and rugged face, taking in the scraggly beard and deep voice – he was the epitome of masculinity and Balthier certainly did not feel inclined.

Instead, he decided that it was just Vaan. He would have made the excuse that – with his slim build, smooth skin and soft features – the blond boy was extremely effeminate, but he was most definitely _not_ female; the gentle ripple of muscles beneath his tan skin and the bobbing of his Adam's apple every time he swallowed at yet another uncomfortable question from the princess was absolute proof of his true gender. Yet he found himself drawn to the boy all of a sudden – as though his announcement had instilled sudden doubts within Balthier about his own preference. Then again, he had felt an instant connection with his protégée when he had met him all those months ago in the palace treasury in Rabanastre – could he have mistaken these dark, innate desires for the boy for simple curiosity?

As the night wore on, the nagging feeling at the back of Balthier's mind – which had started off so insignificant – grew more and more insistent, making his stomach twist in anxiety. He found himself rapping his knuckles together in agitation, listening to the sharp ting that resounded as his rings collided with one another, despite not knowing what had gotten him into such a highly sprung state.

Every so often, his eyes would be drawn back to the blond boy sitting by the fire, admiring the silhouette that had been cast in the amber half-light. He was speaking about his childhood, about his brother, about bars and basements where he learned to hunt marks – avoiding Ashe's questions about how he found out about his interest in men. For hours he changed the subject, told half-truths and just smiled meekly, until he stood and apologised, saying that he had to go to relieve Penello of her role as lookout. The princess huffed in disappointment – who would have known that she was a gossip at heart?

Balthier watched him go, frowning at himself when he realised which part of the boy's anatomy he was observing – _'I really must to do something about these thoughts'_.

Balthier sat in the same spot for a while longer, mulling over an idea which had formulated in his head. It sounded like a good plan, if he should say so himself – one of vast shrewdness, as expected from the leading man. _'Actually, it is only brilliant in its simplicity...but no matter'_.

Biding his time, Balthier relaxed by the fire as the other four members of the group lulled each other to sleep with meaningless small talk – he did notice that Penello was a lot calmer upon her return than she had been when she left, but brushed that fact to the side of his thoughts. He waited a good few minutes after the last person fell unconscious before cautiously disentangling himself from the blankets he had wrapped around himself. He took a deep breath and smirked arrogantly, strolling towards the makeshift watchtower.

Time to have a chat with his little thief.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Vaan jumped slightly, whipping his head back and forth in search of the source of the noise that had startled him, before realising that he had begun to drift off without realising and snorted in his sleep, waking himself up. He sighed and shook his head, trying to rid himself of his weariness, but it was a futile attempt – Ashe had kept him up for most of the night with her questions so he was not able to sleep in preparation to take over watch.

He rolled his neck and leaned against a flimsy wooden wall, ignoring the cold green fuzz which grew on it, and traced the freshly carved shapes in the ground with his fingernail – _'bored...bored...bored...'_ Nothing was happening tonight – they all knew that nothing _would_ happen, but Basch, being the paranoid ex-captain he was, insisted that they retained their lookout schedule anyway as a precautionary measure, but with one person rather than two – _'and it just so happens to be Penello and I's night – fantastic'_. Although his friend seemed to be in a malicious mood, even her company would have been preferable over spending this uneventful night alone.

He found his eyelids drooping once again as he fought against the beckoning call of sleep. The night air was cool and soothing against his skin, calming his mind from the embarrassing evening he had just endured – _'why did I have to tell them?'_ He could have easily left them with the idea that he wasn't ready to engage in such activities yet, but no, he just had to announce that he was attracted to men. He noticed that, since then, Balthier had become very quiet and withdrawn, which was just not like him – _'great – now he feels uncomfortable around me'. _Vaan really didn't like the thought that Balthier might stop talking to him because he had become rather attached to the man and – though he would never admit this to anyone – he admired him greatly; he was a Sky Pirate, after all!

The Zodiac Spear – his pride and joy – slipped slowly from his fingers as his muscles lost all will to grip onto it, his body giving into the draw of sleep. His mind sluggishly registered the sound of fabric whispering against skin getting nearer, not connecting the noise to anything he should respond to. Finally, his eyes closed fully and his head lolled forward. A warm sensation gusted against his cheek and neck for a second, before..."It is very comforting to know that we have such a professional watchman this night."

Vaan yelped and snapped to attention, scrambling for his weapon, only halting the search when he realised that it was only Balthier breathing in his ear – _'only Balthier? Keep telling yourself that, my friend'_. A faint flush spread across Vaan's cheeks as he realised just how close the pirate had situated himself due to the limited space in the hut and was suddenly very grateful for how dark it was.

He spied his spear in the other's hand and idly wondered if Balthier had taken it from his hands rather than him letting it slip in his drowsy state. Vaan yawned and rubbed his eyes, eyeing the man beside him suspiciously. "If you were so concerned about your safety tonight then you would have saved me from Ashe so I could sleep."

Balthier smirked brashly and shrugged. "You have me there – it was far too amusing to interrupt."

Vaan glared at him half-heartedly and snatched back his weapon, placing it to the side to allow the two of them to sit comfortably in the tiny shack. "What brings you here?"

The brunette shrugged, careful not to allow his pristine white shirt to touch the filthy walls. "I could not sleep and I assumed that you would not be opposed to some company."

Vaan shook his head with a smile. "Appreciated – I didn't realise how boring this supposedly 'dangerous' and 'necessary' duty would be alone."

"Indeed – what is a dangerous duty without a companion to sleep next to?"

A chuckle escaped Vaan as he shrugged mockingly. "I'm glad someone shares my vision." The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while, neither feeling inclined to voice their thoughts until Vaan remembered a concern he had earlier, deciding that now was an opportune moment to placate the situation. He rolled his head sideways on the wall he was still leaning against and fixed Balthier with a serious look. "Do you feel ill at ease around me now?"

Balthier's eyebrows rose in surprise as he considered what he said. "Not at all – should I?"

Vaan smiled and shook his head. "Of course not. I only mentioned it because you seemed uneasy after the game tonight – like you had something to say."

Balthier sighed dramatically, in a way which only the leading man could pull off, and turned his head to face the blond. "As a matter of fact, I wished to express my congratulations – it is not every day that a mere street rat impresses one such as myself."

Vaan cocked his head in confusion. "How so?"

"You are the first man I have met to admit that he is that way." Balthier tilted an imaginary cap to him. "I have met several others that are the same. It has been rather obvious in all occasions that they are inclined towards their own gender, yet they never care to admit it – cowardice, I say." This was a completely true fact – Balthier had met many a man in taverns across Ivalice that had been like this, though he cared not to mention that, recently, the reason for the patency of their condition had been the fact that Vaan happened to walk past during these meetings and Balthier witnessed their eyes trailing behind him, focused on one specific area – _'in much the same way as I had earlier'_. "Vaan, I wonder if I may ask you a favour?"

One blonde eyebrow rose inquisitively. "Of course."

The confidence Balthier had in his plan wavered briefly, as though he was hesitant to ask what he was about to, but he pushed past it. "Would you permit me to find out if I am the same?"

Hazel eyes widened and plump lips parted in shock. "W-what?" He blinked and shook himself mentally. "What would make you think that you are the same? It was no more than a few hours ago that you were boasting the number of _women_ that you had taken into your bed."

Balthier nodded seriously. "True enough – yet since you made your proclamation, I have found myself...considering other options."

Vaan brought a hand up to tuck blond strands behind his ear, taking in what the other had said. "What do you need me to do?"

Balthier's stomach fluttered with some unfamiliar feeling – that was odd; he had never been truly nervous before. Anxious, yes – even a little fearful at times – but he had never trod the middle ground between the two extremes before, which made him wonder what it was he was getting himself into. But he was far too curious to back out now. "If you do not mind, I would like you to kiss me."

Vaan chocked on the air in his lungs, stunned by the sudden proposal. Kiss Balthier? Yes, the man was handsome – devastatingly so – but he had never considered him in such a way before. He was his friend and, in a sense, mentor, after all. Then again, he wanted to discover something about himself and Vaan wanted to help if he could – _'besides, it wouldn't be so bad to lose my first kiss to someone I trust'_. He swallowed around his suddenly dry throat and turned his torso towards the man beside him. "O-okay."

Leaning on his palms, Vaan reached forward and planted a quick peck on his lips, backing away quickly. He remained hovering in front of the man, supported by his forearms, blushing furiously as Balthier raised eyebrows. "How am I supposed to discover anything from that?"

Vaan frowned and averted his eyes momentarily. "Fine." He pressed his lips to the other's a bit more firmly than before, holding there for a few seconds and pulling back again. "Better?"

Balthier smirked. "You really haven't kissed anyone before, have you?"

Vaan huffed in agitation. "Do you want me to help you?"

The brunette chuckled and nodded. "Yes, I do – I apologise for speaking out of turn."

Vaan's arms were beginning to ache from holding himself up in such an awkward position, but he stayed where he was. "Why don't you do it then?"

Balthier celebrated internally – this was exactly what he was waiting for. "My pleasure." Leaning forward, he closed the gap between their lips, letting his own experience take over. It lasted longer than the previous two kisses, but, yet again, they broke apart early. Balthier frowned at the boy in front of him, noticing that he had begun to quiver from the strain of holding himself up. "This is not as natural as it could be." That startled Vaan, making him pull back further – not natural? That was a harsh way to put it..."Don't be so sensitive – I was merely referring to the unnatural position you have gotten yourself into."

"Oh..." Vaan yelped when an arm hooked around his back, wrenching him up until he was kneeling directly on Balthier's lap, knees either side of his thighs. "Balthier?"

"Relax, thief – I am genuinely curious about you and this position will enable me to kiss you as I naturally would." Balthier was taken aback when Vaan leaned away from his next attempt to kiss him – even in the sliver moonlight that was illuminating the space, the dark blush across the other boy's face was dimly visible.

"Curious about _me_?" He looked away in from the other, biting his lip. "What happened to discovering if you were attracted to men? As in generally."

Balthier internally cringed at his mistake, realising that his façade was slipping – _'then again, perhaps this is for the best – it may be a pleasant change to have someone I can be myself around'_. In all honesty, he could not recall why he had formulated this plan in the first place – he was sure if he just asked Vaan to confirm his feelings, the boy would have obliged. There was no real need for the deception. At that thought, Balthier allowed a rare smile to grace his lips – one which was not a smirk or sneer. "I do not feel remotely attracted to any other man, but when I consider you...certain feelings are evoked."

Vaan's eyebrows rose higher with every word, eventually coming to a stop and lowering as his eyes became half-lidded in understanding. "You could have just said..."

The pirate shrugged casually, eyes twinkling. "I could have, yet my status as leading man prevented me from doing so – mystery is such a big part of my character."

Vaan snorted in response. "You cannot honestly tell me that you are like that at all times."

Balthier chuckled and shook his head, hands unconsciously finding their way the the smaller boy's hips. "Indeed, I cannot. This fact will remain between us: my confidence..."

"Arrogance." Vaan corrected.

Balthier coughed pointedly and continued as though he was never interrupted. "My confidence and flamboyance are often in place to mask my true emotions."

"Which now would be?"

"I suppose you could say...nervousness."

Vaan's lips twisted into a small smile. "The great Balthier, captain of the Strahl and mighty Sky Pirate with an impressive bounty on his head, is nervous around a simple street rat?"

A twinge of annoyance flickered into play when Vaan referred to himself as such – _'he shouldn't think of himself as so low'_. "Street rat? Vaan, you should recognise that, by now, you are so much more: member of the entourage risking life and limb to protect the estranged princess; one of the most accomplished hunters in all of Ivalice; student and protégée to _'the great Balthier'_. You have far surpassed the level of thief and street rat – I thought that you would have realised that me calling you as such is merely a nickname and nothing more." This was true – the name thief was only used now as an endearment, rather than a description.

Before he knew it, lips were on his own once again, this time full of purpose – no longer just a favour. Vaan brought his hands up to rest on Balthier's shoulders while the ones on his own hips began to palm and press slowly, building speed and firmness in pace with the kiss. As they moved against each other, their lips became looser and less controlled – in Vaan's case, at least – soon giving Balthier a chance to slide the tip of his tongue along the seam.

The blond's breathing quickened as he pressed closer to the other, parting his lips a little more. Letting instinct take over, he closed his eyes, tongue moving to meet the one invading his mouth, albeit timidly. Balthier allowed him free reign for a few moments before unleashing his experience once again, curling his tongue around the other's and pulling it into his own mouth, forcing their lips to open wider and their heads had to tilt.

Vaan didn't even know when his fingers had situated themselves in Balthier's hair, but he revelled in being able to gently pad and scratch the short coif, loving the slight sharpness that assaulted his fingertips. Though he had never considered Balthier in such a way before, he couldn't help but be delighted and – dare he say? – _excited_ that this was happening. He shocked himself by letting out a low moan, feeling the deep rumble of Balthier's responding chuckle rather than hearing it.

Vaan's tongue began to withdraw, followed back into its owner's mouth by Balthier's, creating a passionate battle for dominance – inevitably won by the elder pirate. The hands on Vaan's hips trailed further back, gripping his clothed cheeks firmly and pulling him out of his keel to sit in his lap fully. The action elicited another moan from the blond as the other man squeezed hard and pulled him flush against his body, grinding the most sensitive parts of their bodies together. Vaan knew he was fast becoming a slave to his touch, but he could not find the will to care.

Suddenly, the burning in his lungs became too great, forcing Vaan to break away. He smiled shyly through his breathlessness and glanced down at the pirate's tight trousers. "Judging by that I would assume that you are most certainly _inclined_."

Balthier growled at the sultry comment and bridged the gap once again, fingers raking at the red sash tied around the boy's waist, nearly ripping it in his haste to remove it. Vaan whined into the kiss, finding himself rocking his hips against the other's to feel the delicious friction it created.

The cold metal of his wrist guards began to dig in painfully, making Vaan reluctantly take his hands out of the other's hair to pull them off, unclasping the plates encasing his fingers to allow the armour to slip onto the floor with a clang. Balthier took the action as a cue to take off the plated vest Vaan wore and run his fingers down his tan chest, marvelling at how soft his skin was.

Somehow, Balthier believed that this should have felt more strange – that the young fighter's lack of breasts and curves should have thrown cold water over the situation, reminding him that he was decidedly _not_ female and, therefore, should not be attractive to him. Yet there he was, toying with the brown nubs on his chest – hell, even feeling the hardness pressing against his own – and he could not have felt more aroused. He was seeing the beauty in that angular body before him, so different to the softer shape of any woman, not being able to recall ever feeling this wound up –_ 'perhaps it is just Vaan that does this to me'_.

The clasps at the back of his body armour clicked open one by one, almost making Balthier pause – ordinarily he would not allow his lovers to undress him, instead opting remove as little clothing as possible in aid of efficiency. Nevertheless, he let Vaan do as he pleased, finding that he enjoyed the sensation of cool fingers lingering on his bare flesh as his shirt was unbuttoned.

He let one hand trail down the boy's belly, listening intently to the harsh breaths Vaan was forcing out through his nose to avoid breaking their kiss. Balthier's fingers dipped lower and lower at a slow pace, worshipping every part of Vaan's body that he could touch, making his skin tingle pleasantly.

Vaan's eyes snapped open as his hardness was cupped with a gentle hand, backing away suddenly. "No!" The hand withdrew and he was met with a questioning – _frustrated_ – gaze. Vaan blushed furiously and looked away, unable to bring himself to shuffle back. The moment Balthier had touched him so intimately, something he had said earlier flashed through his mind – _'I have never slept with the same person more than once'_. Sure, he had been caught up in the moment, but he didn't want that – he couldn't give his virginity to someone who would toss him aside. "I don't particularly want to be another notch on your bedpost."

The brunette dropped his hands to rest beside the other's knees and frowned at him – would he leave Vaan like he did the others? He hadn't thought about it. It didn't occur to him that they would be in each other's presence at all hours of the day for an unforeseen amount of time and, if this were to happen, he would have to mean it, else lose the boy's friendship forever – and possibly jeopardise their quest to prove the princess' right to the throne. Balthier was astonished to realise that he really didn't mind the idea of being with Vaan that way for however long. This was not a one night stand. "I assure you, Vaan – I have no intention of treating you in such a way."

Hazel eyes uncertainly met his gaze. "But...you even did it to Fran..."

_Fran_. Yes, Balthier had treated his long-suffering companion appallingly by sleeping with her and holding no intention of taking their relationship any further. He did so knowing the feelings she held for him – _'so why do I feel no guilt about doing that to her, my best friend of many years, when I would not dream of doing the same to Vaan, an ex-thief who I have known for only a few short months?' _"I did. However, the relationship between she and I would not have worked – that incident was a momentary lapse of judgement on my part."

"I..." Vaan bit his lip and tugged at his earlobe – a nervous habit. His conviction began to waver when he accidentally shifted in the other's lap, grinding their erections together. "How do I know you won't...?"

He was cut off by a gentle kiss to his forehead, his face being held tenderly between two battle-calloused hands to prevent him from pulling away. "Just know."

Vaan could have sworn that his heart skipped a beat at the implications that those simple words held – did he really mean that he wouldn't leave after? Could he trust him to be truthful? His train of thought came crashing to a halt when lips met his once again, moving against them carefully. His eyes closed as he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding through his nose, returning his lightly trembling hands to the other's smooth chest.

Balthier waited a few minutes, letting the heat between them to rebuild before he slid his hands up Vaan's thighs, kneading the backs of his knees, progressing higher and higher. He squeezed the boy's firm round cheeks, pulling him closer as the other ground into him. One hand crept forward to the front of his loose combat trousers, undoing the button and slipping beneath to grasp him fully. Fingers curled into fists on his chest, raking blunt fingernails into his skin as the teen gasped into the kiss and pushed up into his touch.

Balthier couldn't look away – the blush across his cheeks; the long, mousy eyelashes dusting his cheeks; the erratic clenching of his stomach muscles. He was so beautiful – _'and he wants me'_. Balthier liked that idea – he liked it _a lot_.

Though he wasn't accustomed to providing another man pleasure, Balthier had plenty of knowledge of the subject from both his own and his ex-lover's hands, soon turning the blond boy into a heap of writhing, whimpering mush who clung to him desperately. It was sensory overload for the inexperienced boy, taking over his mind with animalistic lust as he reached between them to palm at the brunette's own need.

With a growl, Balthier yanked down Vaan's trousers, being stopped by his shin guards – he had no patience to remove the things, instead choosing to let go of the other's member and spin him around so that his back lay flush against his chest.

He blindly groped the space to the right of him as he kissed and nibbled Vaan's neck, searching for something – _anything –_ to make the next act easier on the boy in his lap_._ His fingers closed around a cold glass bottle which turned out to be a healing potion – _'excellent – it's cheap enough not to be missed'_.

Vaan, whose head had turned to the side subconsciously to allow Balthier better access, meeped nervously as he saw the bottle. He was not so naïve to think that it would be used as anything other than lubricant – after all, it wasn't like he had never been experimental with his own body, but..."A potion? Is that not...you know?"

Balthier chuckled against his skin, sending pleasant tingles down his spine. "Fear not, Vaan – this was never intended to be a suppository, so I doubt that the magic will cause any maladies." Before Vaan could protest any further, a slick finger brushed against the tight ring of muscle, making him tense and clench his eyes shut. Hot breath tickled his ear as gentle words were whispered to him. "You must relax, Vaan – this will not be pleasant if you don't."

The blond nodded and leaned his head back on the other's shoulder, breathing slowly to calm himself down – feeling soothed by the soft circles being rubbed on his stomach. As soon as he was relaxed enough, Balthier pushed in, marvelling at the soft, yet bumpy texture. The deep, calming breaths continued as the digit pumped in and out a few times, before pulling out and re-entering with a companion. The breaths quickened a little as the teenager fought with himself not to panic. He let out a sharp hiss when two became three, spiking his senses with pain as they stretched and manipulated his virgin orifice.

Lips pressed to his skin, whispering sweet words to him as another hand closed around his manhood, distracting his attention – he didn't even notice the withdrawal of the fingers until hot, damp, _hard_ flesh pressed against him. His heart beat fiercely as a lump seemed to form in his throat – _'this is it – I really am not going to be a child any more'_. An arm snaked across his chest, gripping his shoulder to keep him pressed to the other's chest.

Then he entered. "Oh, _fuck_..." They both uttered the profanity, though for entirely different reasons. For Balthier, it was like nothing he had ever experienced – Vaan's body clenched around him in such a different way than any woman and he _loved it_. Vaan, however, felt like he was being torn apart in the most agonising way possible. "No! No, Balthier, stop! _Stop!_"

He heeded the boy's words with with difficulty, only halfway in, and nuzzled the side of his face with his cheek. "Shhh...it's okay – it'll pass. Just relax."

_'Easy for you to say' _– but Vaan tried, gasping for breath. Eventually, he gained enough confidence to grit his teeth and seat himself fully on the other's member, groaning at the pain which had almost dulled to an ache. He heaved a few more deep breaths and nodded, holding the other's thighs in a vice-like grip. "O-okay."

Balthier smiled into his skin sympathetically and rolled his hips gently, meaning to assess if the boy was truly devoid of pain – instead he was winded by the sheer pleasure of the tightness which seemed to be crushing him in the _best_ way. He rocked up into the boy in his lap using the tamest thrusts he could muster through the blinding pleasure – soon he heard the other's breath hitch a little, followed by a small gasp, indicating that the pain had certainly gone.

Vaan was quiet compared to his other lovers, only letting genuine moans escape his lips when the pleasure peaked, rather than exaggerating in order to turn him on as the others had. Balthier's own breathing became ragged as he realised that those fake moans had nothing on the whimpers and groans that serenaded his ear – they seemed to echo in the silence of the forest, filling their private bubble with passionate music.

Vaan tried with all his might to stifle the scream that begged to be released when something _wonderful_ was struck within him. "Oh! What was _that_?" His voice was so breathy, but he didn't care – all his pleasure-filled mind could focus on was the continuous assault on whatever had caused that intense feeling.

Balthier's arm moved down to hold the blond's hips steady as he curled forward, letting go of his control to pound into him ruthlessly. He knew how that little treasure would be making Vaan feel – having been exposed to the antics of an experimental ex-lover had had met back in Bhujerba – and he just wanted his current lover to feel as amazing as he did.

Vaan shook his head back and forth, dizzy from the sensations. He was already grasping at the straws of sanity before Balthier gripped his neglected member tight and pumped him, quick and erratic like his thrusts, pushing him over the edge. Heat bubbled in his belly, burning through him as his vision flashed white with his release.

A groan was ripped from Balthier's throat as the boy's muscles squeezed all around him, pushing him to completion, still thrusting up wildly to prolong their climaxes as much as he could. For a moment, the two remained in that position, before collapsing back into the damp wall.

Silence lingered around them as they stared out into the surrounding forest, both lost in their own thoughts. Vaan's hazy mind full of bliss began clear, filling him with panic in its stead. That had been great, but...he realised that he had been tricked – manipulated in the throes of passion. He had just given up his virginity to a man who had no promise of sticking around afterwards – he may have suggested that he would, but the words were never explicitly said. This relationship held no commitment – _'maybe I am destined to be a pirate, after all'._

On the verge of tears – more of anger towards his own actions than anything else – Vaan lifted himself up, feeling the other slide out of him easily, followed by a trickle of liquid running down the inside of his thigh. He didn't look behind him as he grabbed a handkerchief from the bag of healing supplies Penello had left to clean himself up and pulled up his trousers – _'how could I have been so gullible?'_. "I could have done that."

He went to turn his head in acknowledgement that the pirate had spoken, catching himself before he did – he couldn't let him see the tremble of his lips or the wetness in the corners of his eyes. "I'm the same as the rest, aren't I?"

Balthier froze at the question – what was with the sudden doubt? He sighed and sat up, wrapping his arms around him, pressing his cheek against Vaan's. "No, my desert flower – you are not."

Vaan swallowed dryly at the endearment, not expecting the kind words. "How do I know?"

He grasped the boy's tan chin and brought it into his reach, kissing his lips tenderly. "I'm still here, am I not?"

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

She would have had to be a fool not to notice the 'subtle' touches and sultry looks. The two had not been the same towards each other since their break in the woods, taking every opportunity to fight alongside one another and walk through towns side by side, volunteering to be the ones to extract information from the townspeople. Penello smiled in spite of herself – they were up ahead at that very moment, walking enough close together that their hands would occasionally brush against one another.

Perception indeed.

**I really busted out the thesaurus for this piece...I also notice how much I like using italics... XD Just so you know, this is not a Penello bashing fiction at all – I just wanted to create an interesting concept about the relationship between her and Vaan. And, yes, perception is a very important aspect of this whole story and every companion and sequel that I may add.**

**I learned a small grammatical fact whilst writing this: who's means 'who is' while whose is a possessive, as in who it belongs to. Just thought I'd share because I never knew the difference before XD**

**This is going to have a kind-of sequel/companion called Surrender, so look out for it ;) I hope you enjoyed this story – tell me what you think! .. x**


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